Being married to someone younger...

has given me new frustrations. I have now figured out the flaw in my marriage. The lack of experience my husband has. Throughout life you make decisions and reap the rewards or consequences of those choices. Usually you learn something either way. My husband is 7 years younger than me and this is his first marriage and first child. I have made many mistakes with money, parenting, marriage, etc. I do not want to repeat those mistakes, but my husband keeps trying to do things that I have already done and he thinks I am trying to control things, but all I am really trying to do is prevent issues that have to be fixed later. I love him very much, but he is really trying my patience. I am sure we will get past this and I will learn something new and so will he.

Why is there some much negativity and blame in my house?

The last few days I have realized some nasty habits my children, myself and my husband have learned over the years, the blame game! I already knew how negative everyone was and have been trying to change that, but of course you can't change someone that doesn't want to change. Now, I am trying to fix this blame game. "I did this stupid mean thing because they did that stupid mean thing." What happened to taking responsibility for your own actions and not treating people the way you do not want to be treated.

So, now I am on a mission to better myself and my family. I am trying to be more positive. When someone on the road does something stupid I try hard not to cuss at them (it's not like they can hear me anyways) and I try to assume that they had a reason for what they did. I noticed that my kids get angry at stupid drivers now, too. This is not something I want them to learn from me. I also try not to tell my kids no. I know that sounds really dumb, but it makes me a feel better and they seem to respond in a more positive way. For instance: if my daughter asks if she can play outside and has not done her homework or whatever I say "sure, when you are done with 'whatever'" instead of "no". Now, to try to get my husband on board with this.

My biggest obstacle is revenge. My children and husband have this big issue with getting back at people. I swear my kids are mean to each other because this feel this need to prove who is bigger and badder! It is just a viscous cycle. This I have not found a remedy for. I am still working on that, but I have noticed that when I have a problem, the answer usually manifests itself in a magazine I get in the mail or a book that someone gives me to read.

Antidepressants, to take them or to not take them...

So I have been thinking about this mental health thing. My therapist wants me to see a shrink the get medicine because of my depression. I am having a hard time with accepting this just like always. Especially now. I am thinking to myself, why would I put this chemical in my body when I have gotten rid of most garbage and chemicals in my diet to include alcohol. I don't even like my daughter being on medicine, but with her she can't see her way out. I on the other hand know that I can get better and know there are other ways to fix this, but some might think I am even crazier for believing in those "odd" ways.

The other reason I have reservations is because I have tried antidepressants and have always had bad side effects. I knew not to take them, but I didn't want to seem crazier to the military. Now I am a civilian so I have the right to say no.

So here I am, wondering what to do. I don't have the time to research and implement "alternative" medicine, but I also do not want to take the short road with antidepressants. I wish I had a life style that allowed me to be a simple person with a simple life. I know that I could make it happen, but my family would hate me! Oh well...I guess I have to make a hard decision!

Why is it easier to help others, but so hard to help yourself?

I have been so focused on helping my 11 year old daughter through her mood disorder and depression for the last 2 years, that I have not realized how much help I need. I went to therapy this afternoon and my therapist keeps suggesting medicine to help with my depression and possible mood disorder, but I keep ignoring that I need help. I guess maybe I feel like if I take the medicine that it might mean that I am weak and then cannot help my daughter. I have a large family that needs me and I don't want to admit that I need help. I wonder why that is? Why are we so worried about admitting we need help. I tell others that it is okay to admit it. I really need to take my own advice.

Hard Work vs. Personality

When did society start valuing what we consider to be people skills over honesty and hard work? For the 10 plus years that I worked I could never understand why I was never considered successful. I worked hard and knew my job better than 95 percent of the people. Now that I am a stay at home mom I am watching my husband go through the same thing. We have been given many books and websites to look at to try to "better" ourselves and make us more successful, but there is one thing that I have found to be true with success today. You have to be dishonest or have a great personality. One article I read about whatever number of laws of success had my jaw on the floor. It never said to work hard and be good at what you do. It said to take credit for the work of weaker people and allow your boss to think he is smarter than you and take the credit for your work (which was actually someone else's). All the while, stabbing everyone in the back and never lifting a finger. I guess it must be true that 90 percent of the people do 10 percent of the work and 10 percent of the people do 90 percent of the work. Another article I read said that you need to get people to like you in order to be successful. It also never mentioned hard work. My entire career I hated those people who spent all their work time schmoozing while I was working. I never understood how that worked. I guess if you stroke someone's ego enough then they will never look under the carpet to see the lies and deceit. I guess a person in this day in age has to make a choice, find a way to accept these unwritten rules of society and follow suit, or be a lowly working and be happy with doing all the work and never getting the respect you deserve. Now, there are those few individuals that honestly work hard and have great people skills, but for the rest of us we must chose.