Why is there some much negativity and blame in my house?

The last few days I have realized some nasty habits my children, myself and my husband have learned over the years, the blame game! I already knew how negative everyone was and have been trying to change that, but of course you can't change someone that doesn't want to change. Now, I am trying to fix this blame game. "I did this stupid mean thing because they did that stupid mean thing." What happened to taking responsibility for your own actions and not treating people the way you do not want to be treated.

So, now I am on a mission to better myself and my family. I am trying to be more positive. When someone on the road does something stupid I try hard not to cuss at them (it's not like they can hear me anyways) and I try to assume that they had a reason for what they did. I noticed that my kids get angry at stupid drivers now, too. This is not something I want them to learn from me. I also try not to tell my kids no. I know that sounds really dumb, but it makes me a feel better and they seem to respond in a more positive way. For instance: if my daughter asks if she can play outside and has not done her homework or whatever I say "sure, when you are done with 'whatever'" instead of "no". Now, to try to get my husband on board with this.

My biggest obstacle is revenge. My children and husband have this big issue with getting back at people. I swear my kids are mean to each other because this feel this need to prove who is bigger and badder! It is just a viscous cycle. This I have not found a remedy for. I am still working on that, but I have noticed that when I have a problem, the answer usually manifests itself in a magazine I get in the mail or a book that someone gives me to read.